Summer approaches

Summer is always a time of celebration and excitement in our house — no school, playing in water, staying up late, ice cream and a lot of fresh air.

But, in our house, it can also be a time of stress and frustration. Not only because we have three young children and full-time jobs, but also because of stepchildren. I love the girls dearly, but, how do we get them to understand that they must follow the rules in our house even though they may not be the same as the rules at their mother's house?

My husband and I always butt heads with these two young ladies. We expect everyone, even the little kids, to help out. All of us have to do our part, especially with five children ranging in age from 2 to 13 in the house.

It's the same thing practically every summer. The first two weeks fly by so smoothly — we're all happy, helpful and having fun. Then, the downward spiral. Due to what we see as a lack of respect and bad behavior, we tend to avoid going places, like the zoo, water parks, etc. After all, if you can't listen at home, how can you be trusted to listen anywhere else? I would love atleast one summer to be more carefree, and anger free, so we could enjoy some little "staycations." But, no, it never fails. One small attempt at discipline derails the entire summer.

I'm happy that all the kids are excited about the end of the school year and their summer vacations. At the same time, I'm trying to prepare myself for yet another bad summer while trying to remain hopeful that it could be different this time.

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

What next?

Cornstarch, corn meal, glycerine soap, egg, peanut butter, cola drinks, baking soda, clarifying shampoo, baby oil, white vinegar, dish soap. All recommended to remove vaseline from hair. How do I know? I have a 2 year old.

I woke up this morning to her applying a rather thick coat to her hair, the night stand, the lamp and the bed. Everything cleaned up great, except the hair. So, today we tried the baking soda, dish soap, white vinegar and peanut butter. Yup. There is still vaseline in her hair. But, I did get most of it out. At least she's not leaving grease stains anywhere that her heads touches. Tomorrow, we'll try again.

By the way, the peanut butter worked the best.

Sanctuary!

I have buried myself in distraction for the last couple months, trying to keep my mind off my son's surgery. It worked, for the most part.

That distraction vanished, without a trace, Sunday morning. And everything was right there, waiting. But oddly enough, it wasn't just the impending operation. It was everything from now all the way back to when I was a kid. Every hurt I felt, every wrong, embarrassment, fear, all the loneliness. The numbness I've reveled in most of my life is melting away. Perhaps just feeling is making it worse than it really is. I'm finding it very difficult to repress anything. I don't want to cry, scream, loose my temper or patience. I don't want to feel like a burden. What I do want, and I'm finally not afraid to say it, is some one to listen. I feel, right now, that no one cares enough about me to see that I need help, that I can't take feeling this way. I can't just push it aside and move on. It's too big. I feel like I'm hurting people, I can't do anything right, that I'm not worth seeing or hearing. I haven't had this strong of an urge to hide in many years. And that's what I want to do, run away and hide, alone.