Speechless

How do you tell a 7-year-old that what he has to do will change his life for the better ... hopefully? How can he understand something that he's never known?

He was very upset during a phone conversation I had with him tonight. He started talking about his surgery in December. He's angry because he has to do it again. He's angry because his little brother "can stay dry." He's angry because of everything. I tried to tell him that without the surgery, he will always have to wear pull-ups. With it, he'll never need them again. How would he understand that? He's never been without diapers and pull-ups. He doesn't know what that's like.

I wish some one could tell me what to say to make him understand, to help calm his fears. I wish some one could just tell me what to do to help him. I don't want to hear all the b.s. answers, like: "Tell him everyday that you love him just the way he is," "Do your best to instill confidence in him," "Make sure he knows that you'll always be there," "Arm your self with information," "You can only do your best, the rest is up to him." Yeah. The sad part is that I'm guilty of saying this crap too. It's nice to hear. It's nice to have people, even though it's online, who understand and sympathize.

But why can't people just be real about the whole situation and just say the whole f***ing thing sucks! Forget all the polite conversations. Forget worrying about who may ro may not be offended.

I hate seeing him go through any of this. I hate that I've seen my son with tubes coming out of his body and needles going in. I hate that he's been "repaired." I hate that I've seen him sedated. I hate that I've seen him swollen from all the fluids pumped into his body during surgery. I hate that I know he vomits EVERY time he comes out of anesthesia. I hate that he's scared, angry, confused and feels isolated and embarrassed. I hate that, no matter what, I CAN'T take it all away. I can't make it better. I can't take away the pain. I can't make the kids stop teasing him.

I love him so much. I just want it to stop. Just stop.