Pay attention

How do you know when your child is in trouble? Not necessarily with bad behavior, like fighting, lying, stealing, etc., but with depression.

I wonder because my son seems angry. He seems a little more withdrawn than usual. He's always been independent, a loner, but this is not normal for him. He doesn't want me to go anywhere without him. He doesn't look forward to school or talk much about his friends any more. He isn't as helpful as he used to be.

Now, he does have a birth defect, epispadias, that affects his private parts. He is incontinent because of it. I know kids have teased him. He's had five surgeries so far. He knows he's different. He does have a brother and a father after all. He doesn't want to talk about it. When I bring it up, he starts to shut down.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't know what to say or do to make it better. It's not something that our lives revolve around. It's just a part of life. We deal with things as they come and we're open and honest about it. I love my son. I love all of my children. I try to make sure they know that. I laugh with them, cry with them. I hold them. What else can I do but to let him know that he's loved no matter what? How can I make it better when he doesn't really understand what's happening and why? He's not quite 7 years old and has had more pain in his life than I.

It's been recommended to us that we find a counselor for him when he's closer to puberty to help deal with the psychological and emotional problems his condition may cause. I agree. It's a great idea. But why not now? I thought about calling the school social worker to see if he/she can talk to him from time to time. But, more than likely, that person won't know how to deal with a child with epispadias since it is so rare. But, perhaps we could get a referral for a counselor that can help. I'll have to look into it.

My point to all of this is pay attention. Young children can get confused, angry and depressed just as much as adults. But, if you don't see the signs, and they may be subtle, it all could get out of control. My son has never been one to let me know when he's sick, hurting, sad or angry. So I've had to rely on my instinct and my bond with him. If I didn't know him as well as I do, who knows what I would be missing.