Mother may I?

As we get older, we find ourselves fighting to become our own people and less like our parents, no matter how wonderful or horrible they were. But, somehow, they manage to leave a lasting mark.

Most women, I believe, hear at some point in their lives, "You're just like your mother." Well, depending on who your mother is, that statement can be hurtful, no matter how true or false. It is definitely something that should never be said to a pregnant woman. Take note.

Some one very dear to me, who's on the "I'm not like my mother" team, confided in me the other night. She was worried and scared and in desperate need of support and understanding. Most of her fears and worries were justified. However, the rest was based on something that's a bit unnerving.

Before I go on, let me say this, she's happily married. Both her and her husband are educated and have good careers. They have beautiful children. And have made a great life for themselves and their family. She's pregnant with her last child.

Without getting into a lot of detail about her life, there is no rational reason for her to be so upset (other than one particular thing that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about here). To put it simply, she's afraid of how her mother and father will react. But why? Why does their opinion matter? Her mother was never the nicest, most supportive person in the world. And God knows, her behavior and personality damaged her relationship with her daughter. So, why would my friend be so upset just in anticipation of her parents' reaction to such wonderful news? Why, after years of abuse, would she even care what they have to say? My only answer is this: After spending years hoping and searching for love and support from the people who should offer it the most, but never do, it's hard to stop. There will always be a need to be accepted by her parents. There will always be a longing for praise and love from her mother and father. Even though she knows that most likely none of it will ever happen, she'll keep searching.

That is, until one day, she takes one small step away and gets a really good look. She'll realize that these people are who they are. Nothing is going to change that. So, as the insults hurl and disapproval sneers, she'll simply say, "Whatever," and move on.